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Why Suppressing Your Emotions is Like Ignoring a Fire Alarm—and What to Do Instead

The power of acknowledging and recognizing our emotions as messengers of what’s important to our well-being.

Dr. Julie Cachia
TABLE OF CONTENT

Why Facing Negative Emotions Feels So Hard

When I was a kid, one of my New Year’s resolutions was to not cry for an entire year. Can you imagine? At the time, I thought it was a sign of strength and control—proof that I could overcome whatever feelings came my way. (Unsurprisingly, I wasn’t able to keep that resolution for longer than a few months.) Without realizing it, I had internalized the idea that suppressing emotions—especially negative emotions—was a mark of resilience. It wasn’t something anyone explicitly taught me; it was something I picked up along the way.

Looking back, my resolution is heartbreaking. I wasn’t just trying to manage my emotions—I was silencing their signals and invalidating their purpose, regardless of their source. What I’ve since learned through my work as a psychologist and affective scientist is that negative emotions aren’t inconveniences to ignore. They’re like a fire alarm, designed to protect us by alerting us to what needs attention.

How Culture Shapes Our Relationships To Emotions

In the United States, there’s a particularly strong cultural emphasis on positive emotions over negative ones, compared to many other cultures, a pattern that has been observed for the past few decades by Professor Jeanne Tsai. Smiling, staying upbeat, and “looking on the bright side” are often seen as signs of success and well-being in US culture. But this focus on positive emotions can come at a cost. When negative emotions are framed as “bad,” it becomes harder to accept them as a natural part of life.

This cultural mindset teaches us to silence the alarms when they sound. Instead of acknowledging and addressing the discomfort of sadness, anger, or fear, we’re encouraged to shove those feelings aside and power through, without pausing to investigate what’s triggering them.

The Cost of Ignoring the Alarm

Suppressing emotions might feel like an effective way to keep going, but as Professor James Gross has extensively demonstrated through his line of work, this strategy only makes us feel worse. In fact, suppression has negative health consequences over the long-term, including increased mortality risk. In other words, ignoring the fire alarm doesn’t make the fire go away. 

I’ve experienced this myself. During an particularly intense phase in grad school, I decided to “power through” my mounting stress and exhaustion because I felt I couldn’t afford to slow down. But ignoring my emotions didn’t make them disappear—instead, they silently accumulated beneath the surface. After months of pushing them aside, my body finally reached a breaking point and I woke up one morning with stress-induced shingles, a real wake-up call. The burning pain forced me to drop everything and prioritize my physical health and recovery. This experience reminded me once again that suppressing emotions doesn’t eliminate the problem—it merely delays addressing it, often until the damage becomes far more severe and harder to repair.

Why Emotions Matter

Emotions arise for a reason—they aren't random obstacles placed in our lives but essential signals guiding us. Like fire alarms, they capture our attention and indicate what requires our care and attention.

For example, as illustrated in the poster above:

  • Sadness may signal the need to process loss and seek support.
  • Anger may highlight crossed boundaries or unmet needs.
  • Fear may alert you to potential danger and helps you prepare.

When we suppress these signals, we’re not avoiding discomfort—we’re ignoring important information about what we need. 

What I Wish I Knew Then

If I could go back and talk to my childhood self, I’d tell her this: Strength isn’t about silencing the fire alarm. It’s about pausing to ask what it’s trying to tell you and responding with care and self-compassion.

Back then, I thought suppressing my emotions was the ultimate goal. Now, I know that emotional health isn’t about control—it’s about curiosity. When I feel something uncomfortable, I ask: What am I feeling? Why? And what do I need right now?

Final Thoughts: Don’t Ignore the Alarm

Looking back, my New Year’s resolution to “not cry” feels like a misguided attempt to be “strong”. But negative emotions are messengers, alerting us to our needs, trying to help us. As cheesy as this might sound, what takes real strength is facing and acknowledging our emotions with care and compassion.

If you’ve been silencing your fire alarms, know that you’re not alone. Learning to face your emotions takes time and practice, but it’s worth it. By pausing to listen, you can address the fire before it spreads and create space for a healthier, more balanced way of living.

My resolution today? To treat my emotions as messengers, not nuisances. To listen to the alarm instead of turning it off. I hope you’ll join me in responding to what our emotions are trying to tell us—with care and curiosity.

References

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